Ready?
OK! We are the Saints.
The Saints can't be beat.
And when you hear us yelling go, fight, win -
you stomp your feet.
Hit it!
Go! Go!
Fight! Fight!
Win! Win!
Go, fight, win!
Again!
Go! Go!
Fight! Fight!
Win! Win!
Go, fight, win!
[whistle sounds]
¶
Josh, you scared the hell out of me, man.
- What?. - I've been driving for like...
I can't hear you.
I can't hear you!
I can't hear you.
Oh, right. Sorry.
- Hey, Josh. - Hi, Uncle Alex.
What are you doing here?.
Is your grandmother home?.
No. She moved out.
Are you moving back in?.
No. What?. Why?.
Why what?.
Mom... uh, your grandmother. She moved out?.
- Yep. - Why?.
She survived one mother, and certainly didn't need
to see Andrea's nose poking into her business
every time she turned around.
Who?.
Andrea.
Andrea?.
Your sister.
Your mother?.
Right.
She moved out?.
No. She's inside feeding the dog.
Who?.
Your mother or my mother?.
Andrea!
Oh, right.
Right.
So, I gotta go.
Hey, will you sign this?.
Are you gonna want your bunk back?.
I don't think I'm staying, buddy.
I get home from school about three.
Think you'll still be here?.
Probably.
All right.
Yeah...
All right.
B--
Bye.
[phone ringing]
Shit!
Hello?.
Oh, hi!
Mr. Grant?.
Hi, this is Andrea Dowd. How are you today?.
Who is this?.
Um...Andrea Dowd.
I'm the producer for local news Channel 9 at 3:.30.
I watch Live at 4 on Channel 5.
Most people do, sir.
But I don't work for them.
I do, however, work with Halle Hinton,
from "Nice to meet ya, Normal Heights."
What are you selling?.
No, no I'm not selling anything.
I'm with the show, with Halle Hinton.
We profile different and interesting residents
of Normal Heights.
Sort of a 'who are the people in your neighborhood'
kind of thing.
Remember we spoke early last week?.
What's for sale?.
Anyway, you're scheduled to be our guest
next Monday, October 20th.
so I'm just calling to confirm...
¶
Channel 9 News at 3:30.
Yes.
Hi!
Alex, what are you--
Hey, Andy.
Mr. Grant, Mr. Grant?.
Mr. Grant, I'm gonna call you right back, OK?.
Oh my God. I didn't expect to see you.
Are you--
OK?. Yeah, I'm fine.
I'm so glad you called the other day.
We hadn't heard from you again in almost--
A year. I know.
I was in--
Kansas?.
This all his--
Stuff.
Everything I could fit in the car, anyway.
You're not bringing it in, are you?.
I didn't know what else to do with it.
My God, you stink.
Well, I've been driving for a--
Few days. Apparently.
Are you homeless again?.
Have you been living out of your car?.
No.
Well, yes, currently.
What?. Alex, for how long?.
Officially, for about 32 hours.
Can I come in, please?.
Yes, yes, of course. Come in. Come in.
Um, I gotta get the boxes.
Alex, they're fine.
I gotta get the--
Boxes.
All right.
Sure.
Oh! I swear I'm gonna get this thing
surgically implanted in my ear.
Hi, Halle.
Be there in three minutes.
Yeah, I've got the coffee.
Yeah, they over-steamed the milk.
Just the way you like it.
No, no, no. No problem.
OK. You're welcome.
I'll be there really soon.
I'm sorry. OK.
Do you still have your key?.
Uh, yeah.
You remember where the fresh towels are?.
I'm fine.
I've got all my...
Shit.
Cabinet underneath the--
Sink.
There's fresh soap there, too.
Any thoughts on what to do with his--
Don't really care.
I figured you'd maybe wanna go through--
Alex, no. I don't.
Look, I'm really sorry - for you.
I'm really sorry for you that Dad died.
But I hadn't heard from him since high school.
He didn't care to know me or Joshua.
No, he asked about you guys--
End of story.
I don't care what you do with it.
I'd prefer you not keep it here.
You on the other hand, this is your home.
You can stay as long as you need.
You know that.
OK.
Just a couple of things, though, real quick.
Josh's new bed time is eight o'clock.
Sharp.
No keeping him up late again. OK?.
We're trying to eat healthier, so if you could just
keep that in mind.
And just clean up after yourself.
It's not that much to ask.
It's really good to see you, Alex.
Yeah, thanks.
I mean, you too.
It's good to see you too.
Hey.
You drinkin' both those coffees?.
¶
[children cheering]
Thank you, sixth graders.
Wow!
What a wonderful way to start off
our Friday School Spirit Pep Rally.
But let's keep moving.
Up next, let's give a big Saints' welcome
to Sister Todd's fourth grade class.
[applause]
Ready?.
OK!
Big G
Little O
D
Go, go, go, go, go, go, God!
Big G
Little O
No.
See, I figured that's what you were going to say.
So, I've done a little preparation.
According to "Spirit Now!",
the official cheer and dance handbook for our region,
in our category, elementary level grades K through 6th,
a cheer team can be made up of anywhere between
8 and 14 members.
Both male and female cheerers allowed.
Is that what it says?.
Right here. Page 11.
Oh, yes, under the public elementary school guidelines.
You seem to have forgotten that St. Mary's
is a private Catholic school, putting us under
the Parochial/Christian guidelines.
Page 17.
Parochial/Christian grades K through 6 can be made up
of 6 to 12 members.
Females only.
I was hoping you hadn't read that part.
You can't break the rules, Mr. Dowd.
I'm not trying to break the rules.
I'm trying to change them.
Joshua, listen to me.
There's no you on this team.
This is embarrassing, Sister Vivian,
but I believe the actual saying is "there's no I in team."
You will never be part of the team.
Never is a very strong word, Sister Vivian.
Never's for losers, and the Saints are here to win!
Again!
Never's for losers, and with God's love we'll win.
¶
Mmm.
Yum!
Well, add me to the list of believers.
I, for one, can confirm that this just might be
the best red zinger I've ever had.
It was delicious, Pablo.
Pedro.
I'm Halle Hinton for Channel 9 News at 3:.30,
reporting to you live from Urban Mo's Bar and Grill.
Who knows where we'll pop up next?.
Could be your front door.
[doorbell sound effect]
But until that time comes, It's nice to meet ya,
Normal Heights.
Steve, Linda, back to you.
And we're out.
Jesus, what is this - lime juice all over your hand?.
That was great, Halle. Really fun stuff.
Can I get a wet-nap?.
They want to come back to you right after the weather
to promote next week's Native Normal Heightian.
I have the breakdown...
A baby butt wipe, at the very least.
OK.
We're profiling the curator at the new little
modern art gallery on 34th, Nuevo-Newmans.
She's actually the great granddaughter of one of
the first business owners here in Normal Heights -
Ned's Grain and Feed Shop.
You might remember we did a little piece about
eight months ago on Ned's brother, her great uncle,
Randall Newman.
I don't know. Oh.
At the time, Normal Height's oldest living resident,
rest his soul.
Stay still.
Cindy Newman, the curator is the one...
No, I'm here.
- Turn. - Sorry.
Is he OK?.
Stay still.
No, I'll call them right back.
Sorry.
I mean, thank you.
It's probably a blessing you work behind the camera.
Can I get a diet iced something of some sort?.
¶
[knocking on door]
Hello, Joshua?.
Sir?.
Hello.
[record player stuck]
Oh, Daisy Love.
She's a little known cabaret singer from the...
...early 60s.
Yes. So it says.
Born in Paris, but raised in Miami Beach.
She got her start singing for pennies
on street corners after school.
Do you know her?.
Well, not personally, no. I should have been so lucky.
But every respectable gay man over the age of 40
knows Daisy Love.
The pain, the longing--
No.
No, I'm not...
I'm not g...
Yeah, I'm none of those things.
What?.
Gay. Or 40.
How about respectable?.
I haven't heard this in years.
This is very rare, you know.
It belonged to my Dad.
It was on the record player already when I got it.
And was he?.
What?.
You know...
No. I don't think so.
I don't know. No.
Honey, are you sure?.
I can fix that, you know.
You've torn your pants.
I'm a tailor.
Charles New.
Next door neighbor.
What happened to Mrs. Harrison?.
She died about three months ago.
Seems to be going around.
Well, she was a million and a half years old.
It was about time.
She was my father's sister. I inherited the house.
Now take off your pants.
I'm sorry?.
I can stitch those up lickety-split,
have 'em back on your butt by dinner.
Come on.
Hand them over.
It's a helmet-- well, ear guard, technically.
It's called the Tornado. Do you like it?.
Yeah. It's nice.
The clerk at the store said it's what
all the high school boys are wearing.
That's pretty cool, huh?.
Hey, who's that?.
Huh?.
On your button.
Mike.
Who?.
The captain of the junior wrestling team.
Look at you! Oh, I love it.
Hello, sir.
Oh, Mr. New, I'm so sorry!
I meant to call you.
I meant to let you know you didn't need to
Iook in on Joshua this afternoon.
- I'm so sorry. - It's all right.
[yelling, clanking noises]
Mother Fu...
You'll excuse me.
So that's Uncle Alex?.
Yep.
Oh! Where's my mind?. Today was Pep Rally Day!
Oh, no. Did your class not win?.
Sister Margaret's 6th graders got the Spirit Stick.
Again.
We got a Cheer Certificate. But I didn't get to cheer.
What?.
The nun said no.
No?.
Little boys can't be cheerleaders.
Little boys can be whatever they want to be, Joshua.
Don't you forget that.
Joshua.
I've got spirit, yes I do.
I've got spirit, how 'bout you?.
I've got spirit, yes I do.
I've got spirit, how 'bout you?.
I've got spirit, yes I do.
I've got...
Joshua!
What do you mean, you didn't read it before you signed it?.
I didn't read it before I signed it.
- Hey, Uncle Alex. - Hey, Josh.
Why are you in your underwear?.
Guy from next door took my pants.
I think I need some ice.
Cool hat.
It's a boat. Is this today's paper?.
Alex, I hadn't read this yet.
And you shouldn't be signing things for him.
You're not his legal...
...guardian.
All right. I got it. I'm sorry.
I can't sign anything for you again.
That's all right.
Wait a minute, young man.
You're the one who should be apologizing to your Uncle.
Oh, that's not necessary.
Alex.
I'm sorry.
For what?.
For making you sign my late note.
You didn't make me--
Alex.
It's all right.
OK.
[phone ringing]
We are the Saints.
Who?. Green, gold, and white.
Yeah! St. Mary's Saints.
What?. Are out of sight!
Introduce yourself!
My name's Breanna.
Hi!
I sing Hosanna.
Yeah!
And with God's love.
What?.
I'll rise above.
Hello, Breanna.
Hi!
You are a Saint.
Yeah!
We know you're proud.
What?.
So say it loud.
Go Saints!
We are the Saints.
Who?.
Green, gold, and white.
Yeah!
[And with His help.
We'll win this fight!
My name is Josh.
Hi!
I've got panache.
Yeah!
And on God's mat.
What?.
Is where it's at.
Remember, I talked about it all last year.
But you have to be 1 1 to go.
You're still 1 0, Josh.
Now. Not after November 8th.
And the camp doesn't even start until December 27th.
So...
You'll be old enough to go.
Exactly!
Charlie said it was fate
that I saw the ad in the first place.
Out of all the hats I could have--
Boats.
Right.
Out of all the boats I could have picked up,
I picked the one with the application.
He called it kis.. mes..try - or something.
Kismet.
That's it! Kismet. He said it's a sign.
It's meant to be, huh?.
I mean, what else am I gonna do over Christmas break?.
I don't know.
Maybe you could come to work with me.
Hang out with the camera guy.
See how we make it all happen.
Yeah. That sounds like fun.
Thing is, I already applied.
Joshua! When?.
Last night.
I wanted mine to be the first one in.
It says they're looking for cheerers
with initiative and passion.
I think that shows initiative and passion.
Will there be other kids from your class going?.
Definitely Breanna.
I mean, she's captain of the Junior Squad.
She's gotta represent.
But, I'm sure the other girls will be going.
A hundred and ten dollars?.
That sounds like a lot of money for four half days, Josh.
Maybe.
But it does include a T-shirt, duffle bag, water bottle,
sports towel, and pom-poms.
It's just not a good time, honey.
Between your school tuition, having to pick up
all the bills since Grandma moved out.
And now with your Uncle Alex back...
I'll pay for it myself.
What?. At a dollar fifty a week,
your allowance ain't gonna cut it, buddy boy.
How do you plan on doing that?.
I don't know. But I can pay for it myself.
I know I can.
I don't want you to get your hopes up.
You know that week after Christmas gets crazy putting
together Halle's end of the year wrap up.
Unless that plan changes, don't know that I'll be able
to get you there and back.
A positive attitude, determination, and a whole lot
of moxy are all key factors to success.
Thanks.
I'll have to remember that.
¶
Ready?. OK!
Hey, you, in the car.
You're not moving very far.
Wake up.
Hit the gas.
The Saint's are gonna kick your--
[horn blowing]
Is he dead?.
Gosh, I hope not.
He owes me two bucks.
Alexander!
Wake up!
This is your Mother!
He was a couple weeks late with the rent.
The landlord found him in bed with an empty six-pack
and some porn.
At least he died happy.
You really moved out?.
Oh, honey.
There comes a time in every parent's life
when their children must leave the nest and fly away.
Mine...
apparently are never going to do that.
So, I stop by every weekend to see my Monkey,
a couple of times for dinner, and as often as I can
to annoy your sister.
But I'm just around the corner,
so it's like I never left.
You didn't get very far.
Car wouldn't start.
Let me buy you breakfast.
I thought you quit smoking.
Oh, I did.
The pot, that is.
And the cigs for a while, too.
Then I met this younger man... Whoa, baby!
Well, you understand.
Anyway, I realized that neither the man or the cigarettes
were very good for my health, so I quit them both.
Unless I'm here.
It drives your sister crazy.
Have one.
Yeah, all right.
¶
¶ He, hello and how are you?. ¶
¶ What's your name and what do you do?. ¶
¶ It's nice to meet you. ¶
¶ Nice to meet you. ¶
¶ Nice to meet you, Normal Heights. ¶
You may be far, you may be near.
Please show yourself, annd joinn us here.
Come onn inn.
Nice to meet ya.
Oh, nnice to meet ya.
Oh, goodnness!.
Where'd you come from?.
Good afternoon, Normal Heights.
You all know who I am,
Iet me introduce you to our neighbor of the day.
Mabel, is it?.
Ma, Mab-
Oh, scary.
Mabel's just one of the many haunnts you'll finnd at the
Not-so Normal Heights Haunnted Hideaway.
I myself haven't been through the Hideaway this year.
Mabel, give us an idea of what we cann expect.
Aahhh!
Don't want to give it away, right?.
That might ruin the surprise.
Mabel, I understand you've become
quite a regular at the Hideaway.
Is it true this is your 1 4th connsecutive year?.
Not appropriate for the afternnoonn nnews!
OK, yeah, OK. Thannk you.
You're about right, it's time to wrap it up.
The Not-so Normal Heights Haunnted Hideaway
openns officially tonnight,
and carries on through our spooktacular weekennd.
Join us on Monday whenn we innterview
Normal Height's ownn Pumpkinn Farmer.
This is Halle Hinton for Channnnel 9 nnews at 3:30.
Who knows where we'll pop up nnext?.
Could be your fronnt door.
[doorbell sound]
Until that time, it's nnice to meet ya,
Normal Heights.
Aahh!
¶ Nice to meet you, Normal Heights ¶
Uh...
Is there a reason my son is running away?.
Jog-a-thon.
It was my idea.
Twenty-five cents for every trip around the block.
The big ltalian family right behind us -
they should net him a good couple of bucks.
Shouldn't somebody be running with him?.
He's fine.
He should be coming back around the corner any second.
Oh, he has been averaging about 4 minutes a lap.
What if he trips?. Or passes out?.
Are his shoes tied?.
If we don't see him in next minute and a half
I will call for assistance personally.
Mrs. Ortiz up the block
set up a little watering station to keep him going.
Oh, come on, Andrea.
You've already clocked out, honey.
Move, move.
Cheer the kid on. Come on, come on.
How long have I got?.
Oh, 68 seconds - give or take.
[phone ringing]
Hello... This is Andrea.
You can't just not show up for your practice.
I got a call from your school
and they're wondering where you are.
At my jog-a-thon.
When you were supposed to be at your practice.
You made the commitment at the beginning of the school year.
Remember?.
We sat and went over all your options.
You chose wrestling.
Here's the thing about wrestling.
If I could just quit going to practice,
then maybe I'd have time to join the Junior--
What is it with the men in the family running away
from their commitments?.
We're not quitters, Josh.
No, I know that.
We can talk to Sister Vivian at the end of the semester.
Maybe you can switch sport electives then.
But I told Coach Father Patrick you'd be back
on the mat tomorrow afternoon.
All right?.
All right.
- We're good?. - We're good.
You're gonna be as big as your Uncle Alex
before we know it.
I bet he could show you some moves.
He was a Saint's wrestler once upon a time.
Used to sit on me all the time.
It's going on two weeks now, big guy.
You planning on doing anything
with any of this stuff anytime soon?.
Figured I'd leave it right there.
Just in case you gotta go?.
Yeah, just in case.
Or we find someplace to put it -
you know, that's not by the front door.
Just in case you wanna stay.
Yeah, that could be fun, buddy.
But I gotta think about goin' back to work.
Work?.
What do you do?.
I'm in retail.
What do you sell?.
Presently I'm involved with antiques and collectibles.
You gather as much junk as you can find,
take it to a local swap meet,
use the money you make to buy more junk,
and then move to a new city.
That's not retail.
I'm a traveling salesman.
Like Grandpa.
Currently without the ability to travel.
My father's a professor of communications
and public interests.
Your father's a son of a bitch.
Mother!
So was yours.
- Can I borrow your car?. - No.
Have you always wanted to be
a traveling salesman like Grandpa?.
Never thought about it.
Just sort of happened.
I don't want to be a professor
of communications and public interests.
Or a son of a bitch.
- Mom. - Mom.
Hey, we could be partners.
Yeah, family business.
See, what I'm thinking is we could spend the next couple
of days driving around looking for cheap stuff in alleys
and at Goodwills, clean it up and--
Can I be on the team?.
Sure. Great idea, buddy.
I have a job, Alex. And you have homework.
Need any help?.
What do you know about fractions?.
Not a hell of a lot.
I'm good. Thanks.
Hey, can I have these sheets?.
Sure.
Can I cut them up?.
Do whatever you want with them.
But they're not sheets. They're curtains.
They were his curtains. Is that gonna be a problem?.
- Can I borrow your car?. - No.
- Can I borrow your car?. - No!
- Can I borrow your car?. - Quit it!
¶
Well, don't stand out there
Iike a Jehovah's Witness. Get in here.
What have you brought me?.
- The perfect fabric. - Let's look at this.
Oh, this might do.
Do we have permission to use this?.
Yeah, I asked my Uncle Alex.
It's all good.
Then what are we waiting for?.
Come in this house.
You must be measured.
¶
[car engine cranking]
[record playing]
- Come on, Mike. - Take him down.
- Come on. - Concentrate.
- Come on, Mike. - Kick his butt.
- Come on, Mike. - Get up, Mike.
Get up, Mike.
Get up. Fight.
The Lord is on your side, Mike.
Get up. Cheer.
The Lord is always near, Mike.
You can do it, use your Strength.
There's nothing to it. Just have faith.
Goooooo, Mike!
Whoo, yeah, Mike! Come on, Mike!
Get up! Get up! Yeah!
I noticed at the last Pep Rally that what
St. Mary's was missing was a mascot.
Page 8.
In order for a mascot to be considered a member of the team,
he or she must be able to perform stunts,
gymnastics, or act as a spotter for a pyramid.
Do you have any of those skills?.
Technically, not yet.
No.
Give me a J.
We got your J, we got your J.
Give me an O.
We got your O, we got your O.
Give me an S.
We got your S, we got your S.
Give me an H.
We got your H, we got your H.
Now hush, shhhh!
You don't want to mess with Josh.
Do ya, do ya?.
No!
You don't want to mess with Josh!
Ssshhhh...
Josh.
Psst!
Hey, buddy, you awake?.
Josh.
Hey, Josh. Hey, Josh. Hey Josh...
Uncle Alex!
What?.
Knock it off.
Sure.
Josh.
What?.
You awake?.
No. Why?.
I've got to talk to you about your cheerleading?.
Did Andrea ask you to do this?.
Who?. No.
Uncle Alex, turn on the light.
I bet you'd be surprised to learn that the first ever
cheerleader was a Minnesota undergrad named Jack Campbell.
That's right. Jack's a man.
Sure.
It's well known that sports is a mostly male-dominated arena.
It wasn't even until the 1 920s that women began
to be introduced to the sport of cheer.
I didn't know that.
And did you know that actor Jimmy Stewart
was a cheerleader?.
So was president George W. Bush.
That's not much of a selling point.
And in 1946, Lawrence 'Herkie' Herkimer
held the first cheerleading clinic on the campus--
Buddy, it's OK.
You don't have to convince me.
If you want to cheer, that's cool.
Cheer.
You're not here to talk me out of it?.
Why would I do that?.
OK, anyway. I need your help.
Your Mom, uh, Andrea--
I know her.
Yeah, well.
She told me I had 24 hours to get a job - or else.
What?.
What what?.
Or else what?.
I don't know. Hadn't thought about it.
She's probably right, though, you know.
Sometimes.
Does this mean you're staying?.
We'll see how it goes.
OK.
Uncle Alex.
Oh, right. The job.
I told them I could dance. Or at least bounce.
And twirl - whatever that means.
So I need your help. I need some moves, Josh.
I thought with your cheer background,
you could teach me some moves.
How long have we got?.
What time is it?.
1 0:17.
Nine hours, 43 minutes.
¶
Did you understand the assignment?.
Of course.
Joshua.
As your favorite person in religious history?.
She tried to be a nun.
I thought Sister Todd would have gotten a big kick
out of my appreciation for the sisterhood.
Maria Von Trapp?.
So?.
Couldn't you have picked a guy?.
Maybe a pope.
One of the apostles, at the very least.
The assignment was to pick our favorite person
in religious history -
the person that inspired us most -
and then represent that person.
What's the problem?.
You're a little boy.
You need to dress like a little boy.
Cynthia Marie Keenan shows up as St. Francis of Assisi-
equipped with live bird and bald spot - and I get sent
to Sister Vivian for promoting peace through song.
It's not fair.
It's different.
How?.
No, it's not.
Yes, it is.
How?.
I don't know, honey.
It just is.
And her bird even pooped all over John Michael's
really tacky cardboard cross.
- Father. - Sister.
This is the mother.
Ms. Dowd.
I take it Mr. Dowd was unavailable.
Mr. Dowd's been unavailable since 1 998.
There's no Mr. It's just me...
Us.
There is no father.
It's just the two of us.
So it is.
[phone rings]
Oh, Jesus Christ!
Sorry.
So Sorry.
¶
I'll take care of it. I promise.
I'm so sorry. Did I say that already?.
Can I say it enough?.
All right.
Nice to have met you, Father Dominic.
Sister Vivian, I will have him back here first thing tomorrow
morning for school mass.
In pants.
Right.
[cell phone ringing]
I swear to God, Halle, we are right around the corner.
This is not the right address.
Uncle Alex!
Oh, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
Stay in the car, please.
Is that my diet passion?.
Halle, what happened to the pumpkin farmer?.
Honey, we've done ethnic twice this week already.
Is this crushed ice?.
Uh, yeah, I'm not so sure. See, the thing is
is that we've been running the pumpkin farmer promo all day,
for Halloween, so I'm not sure how changing the profile
this late in the game is really gonna go over with Ed.
Ready?.
OK!
But Andrea, the pumpkin farmer's gone, closed.
- What do you mean?. - Dead, for all I know.
But I called and confirmed.
I think I called and confirmed.
Ed's gonna have a fit.
You have no idea.
Knees up, Uncle Alex!
Honey, stay in the car, please.
I thought you had a little boy.
I do.
That's my son, Joshua.
He's wearing a dress.
Yeah, well it's Halloween.
He's Maria Von Trapp.
That's so cute.
None of my gay friends ever did drag
until at least their 20s.
No, Halle, he's not...
Halle, he's only 1 0 years old,
so you can't really say--
Only 1 0?. Really?.
Well, he's almost 1 1. He's big for his age.
I'll say.
Hey, Andy.
Maybe we should call Mom
and tell her I'm gonna be on TV.
This one's kind of cute, huh?.
So, this one's kind of my brother.
What?. No!
Yeah...
My twin brother, actually.
Hey Andy! Maybe we should--
What?. No, I'm here, Ed.
Call Mom and tell her I'm gonna be on TV!
I heard you!
Sorry, no, sorry.
Knees up! Smile!
Go back to the car, honey!
I'm sorry, Ed. We've had some tech problems,
but I can hear you now.
Um, about the pumpkin farmer.
Twins?. Really?.
I'd never have guessed. You're such a handsome man.
Thank you.
No, we lost the pumpkin farmer.
Sorry, when?.
I understand. It's just with the switch out
we're running a bit behind schedule.
Halle Hinton. Nice to meet ya.
How do you do?.
Yes, I understand it's live TV.
We're a go. OK, Halle we're going live.
When?.
In about 45 seconds.
Halle, this is Alex. Alex, Halle.
We've met.
Mark! We're on!
She'll be asking you questions,
nothing too personal.
The segment should last about a minute,
a minute and a half tops.
Ignore the camera. Just look at her.
Mark! Let's go!
Alex is a native of Normal Heights.
He's...
Single.
Mark!
Halle, I'm gonna need you to put the drink down.
OK, come on. What?.
Copy that. OK.
Your intro music is about to start.
We've got about 20 seconds.
- Mark, come on buddy. - Right.
- How do I look?. - Real nice.
OK.
Alex, I need you to stand right here.
Stay on that spot. You don't have to move.
Halle Hinton. Halle Hinton.
We're live in 12.
Alex, your sign is upside down.
Halle, put the drink down.
Your sign!
OK, we are live in 5...
Where's my mic?.
My nose!
¶ Nice to meet ya, Normal Heights! ¶
Oh, God. Oh, my God...
Uh, hi!
Good afternoon, Normal Heights.
I'm Halle Hinntonn--
Wow, that must have hurt!
Joshua, not now. Go back to the car.
I'm nnot Halle Hinntonn.
Halle Hinton is out sick today.
I donn't thinnk she's breathinng.
Joshua, she's fine! Get back to the car!
Whenn do we talk about me?.
What are you doinng here?.
Workinng.
This cann't be real.
Oh, yeah. No, it is.
"No move in fee, first monnth free. "
- This is your job?. - Yes.
This is the only job you could get?.
This is the onnly job I applied for.
She's all right!
But I think she broke her shakinng hannd.
Oh, God!
Hi! Today we're here with Alex...
Dowd. Alex Dowd.
OK.
Also, her brother.
Can I say that?. Am I allowed to say that?.
You just did. Stop lookinng at the camera.
Annd Josh's unncle.
(Halle) Lemonnade is onn the counnter...
Um, nno, Mark!
OK. Um, Hi.
Uh, um, Alex is a nnative of Normal--
I gotta say, I expected a little more.
What?.
Lights or something. Catering, at least.
What are you talking about?.
You're always running arounnd about to explode.
I figured there was more to your job
than just a guy with a video camera.
No offennse.
And some woman who - I donn't knnow what you're
talking about - seems pretty nnice to me.
Ready?. OK!
Get up! Stannd up annd fight.
Who knows where we'll pop up nnext time.
Maybe your fronnt door.
Awww, really?.
But unntil that time comes...
I'm Andrea Dowd annd it's beenn nnice
to meet you, Normal Heights.
¶ Nice to meet ya, Normal Heights! ¶
¶
Ready?.
OK!
Being fired's not so bad.
You'll never get far being sad.
Fight! Fight! Fight!
Shish, boom, bob.
Make that touchdown. Get a job.
Goooooo, Mom!
Whoohoo!
Yeah!
I love you, Mom.
Hey, wait up. I'll walk with you.
Love you, Mom.
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.
It's been...
I couldn't begin to tell you how long
it's been since my last confession.
That's all right.
Go ahead.
OK.
Well, l...
Father Dominic, is that you?.
Sorry?.
It's Andrea Dowd--
Uh, Ms. Dowd.
Josh's mother.
We met a few days ago in Sister Vivian's office.
Oh, yes. I remember.
How are you, Ms. Dowd?.
How am l?.
I'm gonna have to go with not so good.
I didn't know where else to go.
I saw the bulletin outside about today's confessions
when I picked up Josh the other day.
Kind of mocked it a little bit.
I'm sorry about that, by the way.
It's all right.
Can we open the screen?.
Would you mind?.
Sure.
Of course we can.
I don't know what it is about it.
It just seems so impersonal.
That's sort of the point.
I hated it even in 8th grade.
Yes, I can open it.
Eighth grade. That's it.
That was my last confession.
Hi.
Knees up, Uncle Alex!
You gotta smile and keep your knees up.
If I get them as high as you want,
they hit the bottom of the sign.
You don't understand.
No excuses.
Remember, the three C's.
Commitment, Confidence...
And Charisma. I know.
Hungry?.
¶
Can I have the can when you're done?.
If I collect 500 I can cash 'em in for about $25.
When he was about five - not quite five -
Josh finally asked me about his Dad.
All the other kids at daycare were making gifts
and cards for Father's Day -
those little clay imprints of their hands.
Did you ever do that?.
I got one the next year for Mother's Day.
And he wanted to know where his Daddy was.
I wanted to tell him dead, and have that be the end of it.
What did you tell him?.
The truth.
Or my version of the truth.
Which, of course, brought up the question, repeatedly,
of why his daddy didn't want him.
What do you tell a little boy who keeps asking
why his daddy didn't want him?.
When the truth of it was, he didn't want me.
I was the one he didn't want.
I've worked really hard my whole life...at everything.
Doing everything for everybody.
And I thought I'd finally met someone who was
gonna take care of me and make sure I was OK.
And I got carried away.
Plain and simple - I pushed too hard.
And I knew better, too. That's what makes it worse.
I mean, it's teaching assistant rule number one.
You don't sleep with your mentor.
It'd be like you sleeping with Jes--
Bad example.
Sorry.
Oh, Mrs. Francis.
There you are.
Something smells good.
Now that I've got you here - the Normal Heights
All-City Winter Cheer Camp holds many possibilities
for a young boy like myself.
It allows me to learn the importance of putting
the 'leader' before the 'cheer.'
Giving me a leg up, really,
in both my school and community.
At the moment, I'm a little short of my
$11 0 attendance fee, by $87.
I have a couple of different options here.
For one dollar, you have a choice of dark
or milk chocolate quarter-pound bars.
My five-dollar items are these adorable little teddy bears
in St. Mary's official colors.
I have this list of magazines for you to take a look at.
If I sell ten subscriptions, I get the new DVD -
"Best of College Cheer:. Volume lll."
Oh, and there's a special bonus with whatever you purchase -
even the dollar candy bar. Every little bit counts.
I'll give you a button of my favorite
varsity wrestling team member.
I made extras.
I like Mike.
My phone hasn't rung in five days.
That's a record.
A few hours tops is what I'm used to, but five days?.
I sat in the parking lot the other day after we met,
waiting to pick up Josh.
First time in a long time I'd been able to do that.
And I was watching all the other mothers.
They have got it down.
I mean they've got this whole mother thing figured out.
They make it look so easy.
I sat and watched him for almost 20 minutes.
And he didn't even know I was there.
You know?.
I watched him play with his little girl friends.
I watched him teach them this cheer he made up.
I watched this group of little boys point
and laugh at him from across the courtyard.
But then totally unphased, he just goes over and starts
braiding little Breanna's hair until he realized that
it was time for him to go home.
And he didn't even know I was there.
Also, um... I started smoking again.
That's really more of a bad habit than a sin.
I just feel like a little girl again, you know...
Iike I'm just waiting for history to repeat itself.
Just waiting for my biggest fear to come true.
What's that?.
That I'll push too hard, and Josh will want to leave me too.
I love my son more than I've loved anything.
Ever.
You'll be the king of the mountain with that gear.
Do you like it?.
They're fantastic!
I wanted to get you an actual wrestling dummy
to practice with, but your Uncle Alex
seems to be filling that role pretty well.
Plus, now you can keep all your gear together.
Thanks, Mom.
Who's next?.
I think it might be me. I'm next.
I'm not sure it can compete with all these other goodies,
but...
Really?.
If you'd like it, I sure would like you to have it.
Do you like it?.
I love it.
Oh, good! Happy birthday, Joshua.
Gosh, Mr. New, it's such a lovely...gift.
It's just, well... My gosh, look at it.
It looks so expensive.
No. It was one of my aunts.
The doll, I mean. I made the outfit myself.
St. Mary's colors.
Green, gold and white.
Oh. Is it an antique?.
Antique, phooey.
It's just been laying around the house collecting dust.
I'd be so much happier knowing someone's enjoying him.
Maybe it should be for a little girl.
A niece of yours, maybe.
I haven't any family. You know that.
He's so handsome. Let me see, monkey.
The squad is going flip out.
Mother, no, no, no.
It's a lovely, lovely thought.
It's just, Josh, you're 1 1 now.
And Father Dominic thinks--
When were you talking to Father Dominic?.
Uh, a couple of days ago.
And he thinks it'd be best if you thought about
making some new friends.
You know, if you stopped eating lunch with the squad
at the girl's table.
Then maybe the boys would find a spot
for you at theirs if you asked.
Andy, stop it.
No, mother.
It's not right.
Father Dominic thinks he's not right.
You know what?. It's all right.
You're right, Andrea. I apologize.
I wasn't thinking.
Charlie...
Happy birthday, young sir.
And you know what we'll do?.
We can set him on the mantle at my house.
You can visit him whenever you'd like.
Now I should probably...
My sincere and deepest apologies to all of you.
It was never my intention to upset the festivities.
Good day.
Thanks for the gifts, Mom. I really love them.
Josh, honey. Wait a minute, sweetie.
Thanks for the pom-poms, Grandma.
Happy birthday, monkey.
Wait! We gotta have cake.
No, thank you.
Grandma?.
Yes, sir?.
Could you take Charlie a piece?.
Sure thing, monkey.
What about your piece?.
You gotta have the first piece, birthday boy.
What?.
I'm gonna...
I'm gonna go see if I can, you know.
Yeah, sure. The going gets tough,
the tough tries to get the car started.
He taught you well, Alex.
You lasted longer than I thought you would.
What about your new...
Job?.
I was quitting after I got paid on Friday, anyway.
Setting a pretty damn good example for your nephew, too.
Whoa, wait a minute sister. You're not being fair.
Fair?.
You want to know what's not fair?.
Having your father walk out the door when you're...
Eight years old. I was there, too.
Yeah, but you went with him.
After high school you got to be with him.
I showed up on his doorstep, Andy,
and two days later he was gone.
Left me a couple hundred bucks to fend for myself,
and no forwarding address.
I've spent the last 1 9 years chasing him around the country,
trying to get to know him, only to have him take off
as soon as I show up. That sucks, Andy!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy because I got to
have the occasional beer with our Dad, while you went
and got knocked up by some college professor
who shared his same first name.
I gotta get out of here.
Don't leave him again like this, Alex!
He's not my kid, Andy!
You've got it under control.
You've made that perfectly clear.
I gotta find a way to get out of here.
Yeah, maybe you do.
¶
Ready?. OK!
Get up, fight.
Get to it.
Take the ball and run.
S, P l, R, l, T - Spirit.
Yell teamwork. Come on, cheer!
Again!
S, P, l, R, l, T - Spirit.
Your victory is very near!
Woohoo!
Time check, honey.
7:56.
Two more bites.
7:56.
God, I'm gonna be late.
Wait - 7 :56?.
7:57.
Josh, you're gonna be late. Come on, baby, let's go.
Hey! No hug?.
Have a good day.
Josh, your gear!
Wait! Don't forget the Tornado.
¶
Damn it, Alex.
This is the first in a series
of neighbors in the medical field.
That's me in the dentist chair, there.
A fun little piece of trivia.
This is actually a breaking news piece
we did about a year ago.
I'm sure you remember the water-main break
we had near the park, the one that created
a small mudslide on the freeway.
A series of neighbors at a local dog park.
And...that's it, actually.
But this is just a small sampling.
With Halle we were doing at least three segments a week,
sometimes up to five, so...
I've seen it.
[phone rings]
That's me. I'm sorry.
I usually turn it off before...
Sister Vivian's office. Great.
Or, uh...
I usually keep it in the car, actually.
Busy.
Uh, I was about to say...
You didn't finish college?.
Hmm?.
Your degree. You didn't get your degree.
Well, I got my BA from the Univ--
UCSB. I saw that. Your Masters.
You have the school listed. No graduation date.
Do you have your Masters?.
No. I'm about a semester and a half short,
but I had my son.
It was thought best I take some time away.
You have a son?.
Joshua... he's 1 0. Uh, 1 1, actually.
He just had a birthday.
But I can handle it.
I run a tight...ship.
Single mothers were a little cause for concern
at some of the other interviews I've been on.
All of them actually.
Is that gonna be a problem?.
Not mine.
[phone beeping]
They left a message.
Do you need to check that?.
No.
It's my-- It's Joshua's school.
Boys.
He's probably 'herkied' his way
into some kind of trouble again.
That's a cheerleading move. Don't ask.
I won't.
OK, silence.
You know, you know I was planning on going back -
to school, to finish my Masters, you know,
what little I had left.
But the experience I was getting on location was...
You know, if I could I'd love to show you
some samples of news items that I personally wrote.
[phone vibrating]
Mine.
That is so good!
They look pretty good.
Pretty good.
I mean, there are still little moments
when they could be tighter.
Like, Jessica's roundoff handspring full just kind of
Iooks like a fancy kart-wheel.
And Kelly should not be a flyer.
I mean, look at her.
She's made to base.
But overall they look pretty good.
You think so?.
Yeah, but Breanna's a good captain.
Everybody likes her.
They all like each other, really.
And that's important.
Yeah, I can imagine.
Now wrestling.
Oh, God, Josh...
I don't know. I think Uncle Alex gave me
false hopes about my abilities.
There I was, standing on the mat opposite...
Matt Vance.
...who, I'd just like it to be understood,
might only be a 3rd grader, but the kid's got moves.
He's fast. He's mean.
Next thing I know, everything is upside down
and Matt is twisting my right leg out to the side.
I kick higher on my right.
That was only round one.
Round two...
Slight improvement.
I mean, Coach said it took him 3 seconds less
to pin me to the floor.
That's good.
For him.
Oh, God, Josh.
Round three.
Do it, Matt. Smear the queer!
I took off running before Coach could even blow the whistle.
I tripped on the end of the mat and knocked myself out
with my knee.
Everybody laughed.
The squad would have helped me.
They would have come picked me up, you know?.
'Cause that's what it's about.
That's what they specialize in.
Picking people up.
Not knocking them down.
Whoever you are, they want you to be the best
that you can possibly be - 'cause they get it;
we're all in this together.
I mean, look at them.
They're a team.
They're a family.
Your Daddy would like you so much.
Really?. He would?.
Mm-hmm.
He likes cheerleaders.
And you're so smart.
You're smart like he is.
You're really, really smart.
You're too smart.
He would like you so much.
Mama.
I'm sorry, but I don't think I want to wrestle anymore.
¶
Um, I was wondering if I could borrow some ice.
My brother never refills the trays.
Is this a bad time?.
No.
Actually, can you give me a hand?.
You made this?.
From scratch?.
Been making things from scratch since I was Josh's age.
Stop moving, please.
Sorry.
Well, you're very good at your job.
I had no idea.
Well...
You're such a very busy person.
Got plenty of time now, that's for sure.
It's become very apparent over the last few weeks
that I am 'not what they're looking for.'
- Stop moving, please. - Sorry.
My brother left again, you know.
I know.
It was just a matter of time, really.
Josh and Mom always have hopes that he'll stay.
And you?.
At this point I just sort of expect him to take off.
Ow!
Quit moving.
Sorry.
Maybe that needs to stop.
What?.
Your expectations.
Yeah... maybe it does.
I, uh...
I was not very nice the other day,
at Josh's party.
I was not very nice to you.
No. You were not.
I'm sorry.
There seems to be-- Apparently there's been some
talk between some people and the clergy that Josh...
I mean, I guess I understand, you know.
When you take into consideration the dress wearing,
playing with dolls, occasionally,
the cheering, constantly.
There seems to be an issue with Josh being, um--
Well, I mean, maybe being, um...
Artistic.
OK.
Stop moving, please.
Sorry.
He doesn't want to wrestle, Charlie.
I just-- I don't want to admit defeat, you know?.
I don't want to admit that I have no idea what I'm doing.
I don't know what to do.
What am I gonna do?.
Ow! Are you doing that on purpose?.
This is not about you, Andrea.
This is about Joshua, who - my personal two cents worth -
who is probably not going to have a very easy go of it
in years to come.
You want to talk about not being what they're looking for?.
Sure, let's have that discussion.
You have one of the smartest, funniest, most sensitive
Iittle boys I've ever had the pleasure of knowing.
You're missing an amazing opportunity, Andrea.
You can be there for him. You could help him.
But let him figure it out.
Charlie, l--
This is what he wants, Andrea.
This is all he needs.
You're enough.
Let him off the hook.
Let yourself off the hook.
I'm sorry.
OK.
I have a terrible habit of crunching on ice,
so I avoid keeping any in the freezer.
But I can offer you the frozen peas and carrot combo
or the chopped spinach.
Your choice.
Um...
For his eye.
Well, it's perfect.
¶
Can I help you?.
I'm waiting on the mail.
Can you wait over there?.
Can you just hand it to me?.
I can't.
Why not?.
It's not allowed.
- What are you doing?. - Sorting.
Why didn't you do that earlier?.
They did. At the post office.
So why are you--
I'm double checking.
Is there anything for me?.
Who are you?.
Joshua Alexander Dowd.
I can't tell you.
Why not?.
I don't look at the names. I just deliver it.
I'm looking to make a change.
In a few areas, actually,
but this needs to be the first.
Don't get me wrong.
St. Mary's is a fine school.
Fine school.
But I know he hears things.
I mean, he's not a stupid little kid.
I know he picks up on what they're saying.
You have regular classes here as well, right?.
I mean it's not just all tumbling and dance?.
It's not just all tumbling and dance.
And we're connected with one of the top
science magnet schools in the state.
The kids all get regular classes up until lunch.
Then they have their choice of art electives,
be it tumbling and dance, or singing, painting, writing.
I'm pretty sure it'll be tumbling and dance.
¶
Hello.
Hey.
Um, I seem to have taken a wrong turn somewhere
on my way back from the bathroom.
Which way to the offices?.
Back downstairs.
You in trouble?.
What?. No. Are you?.
No.
You must be science.
I haven't seen you before.
Is this your first day?.
Oh, I don't go here.
My Mom's having an interview or something.
Where do you go?.
St. Mary's.
Over in Normal Heights.
Oh, sorry.
Me too. Thanks.
My name's Joshua.
Anthony.
Like the Patron Saint of lost things.
What happened to your eye?.
Wrestling practice.
You wrestle?.
Yep. Well, I did.
I wasn't very good.
What about you?.
What?.
Wrestle.
Me?.
I'm a choreographer.
¶
[dog growling]
Shhh!
Shut up, shut up.
Shh!
[dog growling]
Shh!
Hey, Uncle Alex.
Hey.
Shhh.
What are you doing here?.
Didn't know where else to go.
You gonna want your bunk back?.
Maybe later, buddy. You stay there tonight.
Are you moving back in?.
Don't know yet.
Will you still be here tomorrow night at 7?.
Probably.
OK.
Good night.
Night, Josh.
It was like this gigantic pyramid
with like 1 00 cheerleaders.
And guess what?.
I was on the top of the pyramid.
Usually I'm a base, 'cause I'm a boy.
Boys are always forced to base.
But this time I got to be the top.
Good morning, Uncle Alex.
Alex.
How'd you sleep?.
Ah, you know.
'Cause you snored all night.
Sorry.
Josh was just telling us about this dream he had last night.
Yeah.
I was a cheerleader, Uncle Alex.
Not the mascot even,
but an official member of the team.
And not only that - I was assistant captain.
- You were?. - Yeah.
And we were cheering at the county
parochial wrestling tournament.
The Saints were about to win the championship.
Mike was doing real good.
- That's exciting. - You bet.
And you were there.
And you were there, too, Uncle Alex.
You were there too!
Honey, time check.
Oh. Gotta go.
I think you should stay a while.
Yeah, buddy.
Maybe I will.
OK.
Let me give you a hand with that, Monkey.
Here we go.
OK.
Coffee?.
Yeah. Thanks.
You can't keep doing this to him, Alex.
He gets his...
Hopes up. I know.
Every time you come back.
You can't keep doing this to us.
Where's all Dad's...
Stuff?.
Sold it.
Most of it.
This is, uh...
This is for Josh.
That's the $48 I owe him.
And I figure, you know, with some extra for interest,
maybe $1 1 0 sounds fair.
Sounds fair.
Thinking about cleaning out the garage, and...
Fixing it up.
Yeah.
And making it, you know...
Livable.
Sure.
I found some new good stuff out on the road.
Thought about maybe sticking around
and setting up a little...
Shop around the corner.
Yeah. Just like Dad...
Always wanted to.
Yeah.
I'm doing the best I know how, Andy.
I know.
Saved this for Charlie.
Completes his set.
Also... wanted to hold on to this.
Where'd you get that?.
In his stuff.
He saved it?.
Always tried to get me to play.
Talked about how he always let you win -
until you got too good.
Then he couldn't figure out how to get you to lose.
Figured you could teach Josh and the two of you could play.
Or I could teach Josh, after you teach me.
Maybe you and I could play.
Whatever.
And Josh can cheer.
Or he and I could play and you could -
I don't know - tell us what to do.
I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
You'd better be.
Just because you're bigger doesn't mean I can't...
Kick my ass?.
That's right.
I am older.
By six and a half minutes.
That's right.
I don't know where this goes.
I don't know where this goes either.
It goes here.
English book.
And tonight, at 7:00 my Mom, Grandma, Uncle Alex and l
are all going to see "Plymouth Rock Live."
The class that I'll be in, starting on Monday,
are going to be the vegetables in the Cornucopia Chorus.
Mathematics.
I could've been a carrot.
Or some broccoli, if l was in the class right now.
My new friend, Anthony,
he helped choreograph the 2nd graders
Turkey Feather Ballet. He's gonna be a plum,
even though that's officially a fruit.
I've never understood why St. Mary's
doesn't have holiday pageants.
You'd think you'd at least have a stations of the cross,
or a living nativity scene.
You probably could have even gotten a real baby for Jesus.
Science.
My new school has a science lab.
Can you believe that?.
I don't know that I'll really get to use it since
my major is gonna be the arts.
St. Mary's has a science lab.
Oh, it's really more of a kitchen, I think.
Religious history.
And the best part of all...
Do you want to guess?.
Not really.
That's all right.
I get to try out for the cheerleading team.
Actually, not until the new year since the squad already
has their routines worked out for the Christmas pep rally.
And you have two library books out.
Yes.
Here they are...
"Fund-raising for Kids" and
"Are you there, God?. It's Me, Margaret."
And your desk and your cubby are all cleaned out?.
Cleared out and cleaned up.
Then it looks like that's it.
We're done.
Really?.
I think so.
OK.
All right.
Well...
You're a very spirited young man, Mr. Dowd.
There is no question about that.
I think you'll make a very good cheerleader
at your new school.
Really?.
I think so, Joshua.
Yes.
That's the first time you've ever told me yes.
Happy Thanksgiving, Sister Vivian.
I've enjoyed being a Saint.
I think I'd want to be a plum, too.
¶